The Hopeless Hero

If I were a superhero, I could only hope for one specific power...the power of invisibility. If I could be invisible, then not one person could ask me how I'm doing today, or what happened to my relationship, or why I'm upset. There would be no reason for hiding my emotions or fighting to keep the pain from showing in my face. There would be no lectures from people trying to force me to realize what he did wrong. There would be no pity or sympathy from people who "know how I feel", because in truth nobody knows quite how I feel. Sure I would use my powers to save others in trouble, but at the end of the day I could disappear from the seeing eye. I could escape all the reminders of how broken I really am, such as my pain being mirrored on everybody elses face. I wouldn't have to endure my dad checking on me at night when he hears me cry, or my mom waking up to find me blankly staring at the television at 3 a.m. My best friends wouldn't have to take turns babysitting me, out of fear that I'll try to contact him if I'm left alone. If I had that power, I'm not sure that I wouldn't just stay invisible. Yes, if I could disappear completely from my surroundings I'm sure I probably would. After only a few seconds of thought, I already know what my very own kryptonite would be. It would be the very soul that broke me. The one person who has the power to walk in and out of my life as he pleases. There would be nothing standing in his way of reaching my heart; although broken, it still beats at a fast pace when I think of him. If at any moment he made the decision to be seen by me, there is no doubt that I would drop my duties as a superhero to cater to him.

When encouragment from loved ones, sympathy from others, prayer, and a good book can't pull me out of my hopelessness, what can? When I wonder what it will take to rid me of my current emotional state...time is the only answer I can come up with.

Truth, Trust, & Try

"It's funny how someone can break your heart, and you still love them with all the little pieces." -unknown

I've never realized how hard it could be to let someone go until about three months ago. I had everything in the world that I wanted...and let's face it...nobody gets everything they want and gets to keep it forever. I was in the most amazing relationship with my reality "Prince Charming" and had the best friends a girl could ask for. Everything was perfect, but apparently one of them had to go. Being dropped by the one boy that I was completely in love with was not something I saw coming. It hit like a ton of bricks, like a bullet to the heart, and like a rain storm on a parade. It hurt. Even though he broke my heart, I still loved him. I still prayed for him every day, and thought about him every minute. After all he put me through...the lies, the hurtful words, the embarrassment...none of it mattered, I still had hope. My friends and family think I'm crazy, and maybe I am. I have given him more chances than he deserves, and more love than he should be allowed to receive. We met and talked last night. No matter what other people said, nothing could keep me away from him. I made it clear to him that if we are going to try one last time, and if our relationship is going to work, then he has to be completely honest with me from now on; just like I have been with him from the beginning. I asked for one good reason why I should trust him, and had to laugh at his answer (because he didn't have one), he was speechless. Finally, we agreed to try again.

Love is incredibly powerful. Like a drug, it can make you feel like you are on top of the world, and then crumble the world underneath you. It can twist your thoughts and make you believe lies, when the truth is right in front of your eyes. It can give you a sense of belonging and make you feel wanted, and then it can just as easily destroy your dreams and make you feel completely alone. I have decided that the only antidote for the side effects of love is forgiveness. With forgiveness you can move past the hurt and (if possible) try again, or move forward with other great things in your life. I have forgiven him, and now I am eager to see where our future takes us. It will end in one of two ways: we will be happy together, or we will discover it's not meant to be. Whatever happens, "the first cut is the deepest" and the damage has already been done. It is completely up to God, and I hope the love that I have for this boy will be enough to convince him to feel the same for me.

First Time Voter

I voted for the first time today. After the many months of seeing campaign signs, watching phony commercials, and listening to the debates, it was finally time to use my young adulthood for purpose. I made the mistake of wearing heels, and regretted it the whole way there. I went with my dad, and we were voting at a church close by where we live. For the past week all I had heard from early voters was their complaints on how long the lines were, and how long it took for them to actually vote. I considered backing out after remembering this; out of fear that I would have a miserable first voting experience (due to wearing heels while waiting in a long line), and would always use that as my excuse to never vote again. After all, what difference would it make if I just waited four more years and voted for the next election? A big difference. If I decided not to vote today, I might have joined forces with the hundreds of Americans who never use their right to vote. As a proud American I did not want that to even be an option, so I went. My dad and I pulled up to the church and parked. The parking lot was full and I was afraid my feet would already start to ache during the walk to the church's door. Fortunately, they didn't. My dad opened the door for me and when I stepped inside, I smiled. There were only two people ahead of us in line. I waited for about five minutes before I stepped up, handed the lady at the table my voters card, signed my name in her book, and walked over to the man that directed me to a machine. He asked if I was a first time voter, which I replied with "yes", and he gave me quick instructions on how to use the machine. I looked down at all the names, only recognizing three of them, and pressed the little black button on the side of my choice's name. A big red button on the right lit up. I pushed it, and my vote was secured. I walked away with a pretty good first time voting experience after all, AND my feet felt fine. I'm not going to say who I voted for, but I am glad that I voted. I have decided that I will be voting again in the future, if not for anything other than my freedom and my American right.

-Jamie

Here's to new beginnings...

I can't really say why I created this site. I just felt like maybe someone would eventually be interested in what I have to say. My name is Jamie, I am nineteeen years old, and I am an aspiring writer. Become a fan. I'll write more soon!