If I were a superhero, I could only hope for one specific power...the power of invisibility. If I could be invisible, then not one person could ask me how I'm doing today, or what happened to my relationship, or why I'm upset. There would be no reason for hiding my emotions or fighting to keep the pain from showing in my face. There would be no lectures from people trying to force me to realize what he did wrong. There would be no pity or sympathy from people who "know how I feel", because in truth nobody knows quite how I feel. Sure I would use my powers to save others in trouble, but at the end of the day I could disappear from the seeing eye. I could escape all the reminders of how broken I really am, such as my pain being mirrored on everybody elses face. I wouldn't have to endure my dad checking on me at night when he hears me cry, or my mom waking up to find me blankly staring at the television at 3 a.m. My best friends wouldn't have to take turns babysitting me, out of fear that I'll try to contact him if I'm left alone. If I had that power, I'm not sure that I wouldn't just stay invisible. Yes, if I could disappear completely from my surroundings I'm sure I probably would. After only a few seconds of thought, I already know what my very own kryptonite would be. It would be the very soul that broke me. The one person who has the power to walk in and out of my life as he pleases. There would be nothing standing in his way of reaching my heart; although broken, it still beats at a fast pace when I think of him. If at any moment he made the decision to be seen by me, there is no doubt that I would drop my duties as a superhero to cater to him.
When encouragment from loved ones, sympathy from others, prayer, and a good book can't pull me out of my hopelessness, what can? When I wonder what it will take to rid me of my current emotional state...time is the only answer I can come up with.
1 comment:
If you ever want to disappear, come and stay with Annie and me for a few days (or whatever). You are welcome here. No one knows your entire life history, except me...and I won't ask, won't tell. Ha!
Love you so much it hurts sometimes. Thanks for having dinner with Annie and me. Keep in touch. My life has a hole in it without you.
Remember what you said here. I must say that it is important to remember that prayer has no discernable effect on anything. If prayer could heal, amputees would grow new limbs. Please remember that and you will be less likely to be manipulated by others.
I love you and wish only the best for you. No conditions or expectations.
Larry the Thinker
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